Señor Grumblecakes (jervo) wrote,
Señor Grumblecakes
jervo

Today's McSweeney.

from McSweeney's:

THE PROPER RESPONSE

BY AARON STOKER-RING

- - - -

"Help!" he said. "I've been poisoned!"

1. Evil Genius: That's correct. Now hand over the statuette and I'll give you the map to the antidote.

2. Spouse: My mother was right about you.

3. Rogue buddy cop: I'll get the bastards who did this.

4. Marketing VP: Think changing the name would help?

5. Nurse at admissions desk: Insurance?

6. Shakespeare: As Portia did portend!

7. Trusted companion: Bark! Bark!

8. Bobby from 2nd Grade: Help! I've been poisoned!

9. Cannibal: That's not a problem. The poison boils off.

10. Tobacco executive: Not to my knowledge.

11. Tactless roommate: Can I get your share of the rent?

12. Funny Gay Friend sitcom character: Tell me about it, that jacket's making me sick, too!

13. Backup singers: He's Poi-soned! Ooh yeah!
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