October 4th, 2001

full life

returning to 9/11

Sporadic craziness at work today, hence no random LJ postings. I'm putting my foot down right now, though, dammit; I need a break.

Last night was spent having an incredibly heavy conversation with my other roommate about 9/11 and the ensuing psychological wierdness. It's been wierd, getting back to "normal" life when all I have to do is look downtown and see what isn't there anymore. I've read so much news over the last 3 weeks that I'm sorta growing numb over it - but it's real, dammit, it really happened, and in a city where brooding cynicism is actively encouraged it's almost too easy to pretend that it's not. I don't know. I've got a lot of intense feelings about it, and I haven't really expressed them at all... although I noticed something incredibly wierd last night when I was rehearsing my new songs.

See, when I was freaking out about writing songs for my last gig, I was having incredible trouble coming up with lyrics - well, hell, I've always had a hard time coming up with lyrics. And so I ultimately decided to just chill out and write more observational stuff, instead of trying to write something profound and brilliant. Which worked. I wrote some of the better lyrics I've ever written, and they were all little pseudo-haikus about NYC life and people and stuff.

Well, since 9/11 I hadn't even looked at any of those lyrics until last night, and suddenly everything took on double meanings. Here's a perfect example:

"Here comes the hustle / Parades of commuters
Receding hairlines / Crashing computers
Waiting for weekends / And freedom from day jobs
The city collapses / Like yesterday�s papers

Where are the lines at the coffee vendors?
What could explain all these parking spaces?"

This song was borne from watching people leave a subway station during rush hour. The line "The city collapses like yesterday's papers" wasn't necessarily intended to mean anything specific, other than to imply a feeling of chaos. But certainly it looks waaaay too literal now.

And the song "Is This Necessary?", which was just a polite bitching about having to do trivial crap at work, just feels wierd. Because these "trivial" things that we have to do are actually quite necessary, if going back to having "normal lives" is necessary.

More later - I just got handed more work.