April 25th, 2002

full life

(no subject)

Yay, there's a new Sports Guy column.

Highlights include:

  • Ever since Jason Giambi joined the Yankees, how come it looks like somebody hypnotized him and forced him to swallow a bottle of Ecstacy pills? It's like his nipples are being constantly electroshocked. He looks like he's about to break into a Reggie Jackson impersonation from "Naked Gun" at any time. "I must kill ... the Queen ... I must kill ... the Queen ..."


  • Hey, do you think Dirk Nowitzki is one of those annoying German guys who wears bad clothes and bad cologne and gets obnoxious when he's drinking? Like the kind of guy who puts quarters up to play pool, finally gets on the table, and then takes five minutes between shots because he's busy hitting on someone's girlfriend? One of those guys?


  • How long before we see Snoop on MTV wearing a replica Jung Bong jersey? I have June 23 in the ESPN.com office pool.


  • "Instigating a hockey altercation, then wussing out of the actual fight" should be a five-minute major.


  • Don't you get the nagging feeling that there's at least one guy working in the Maxim magazine office who's 5-foot-8 and 130 pounds, with yellow teeth and an unpopped whitehead on his forehead, and he calls everyone "Dude," and he tapes the "Craig Kilborn Show" every night, and he says things like, "Dude, you missed it, I was wasted last night"?


  • I just want to be there 20 years from now when the guy who paid $10,000 for Luis Gonzalez's gum is entertaining guests and says, "Come into the den, I want to show you Luis Gonzalez's chewed gum."
full life

(no subject)

From David Cross' Cigar Corner:

As you may or may not know, I am trying to secure the film rights to the video game "Madden 2002 Football". I think it would make an excellent movie (I see John Goodman as the all-knowing voice of "Madden") and since all the kids love movies based on video games, I figure, this is like, an idea made of gold, and then covered in diamonds!
full life

(no subject)

Now that I have a working set of headphones, I'm carrying my discman around again. And since I'm carrying my discman around again, it figures that I'm carrying around some CDs.

the black CD wallet:

...And You Shall Know Us By The Trail Of Dead, source tages and codes
Wilco, yankee hotel foxtrot
Deltron 3030
Gomez, in our gun
White Stripes, white blood cells
Aesop Rock, labor days
Appleseed Cast, low level owl volume 1
The Avalanches, since i left you
Cex, oops i did it again
Jim O'Rourke, insignificance*
Stereolab, sound-dust
The Strokes, is this it

* currently in the discman.