October 8th, 2004

full life

(no subject)

Well, it seems that my mother's mysterious fever has a cause after all. The doctors are about 90% sure she has lymphoma, although they need to perform a chest biopsy to make absolutely certain. The good news is that it's treatable. The bad news is that I don't know if she believes that. We talked last night a bit; she had had a conversation with a friend about living wills, and I told her that she can't be thinking about death. This all took place, of course, before we found out what was wrong with her.

Anyway, we're all miserable now, even though we're trying to stay strong. I love my mother. I feel terribly guilty that I never visited her enough when she was having her kidney transplant, and with Kath's foot surgery I haven't been able to visit her at all during this current episode. I'm not blaming Kath, of course - she's my wife, she's in a great deal of pain herself and I need to take care of her. I'm just really nervous and anxious and about 3000 other uncomfortable emotions right now.