May 2nd, 2006

full life

(no subject)

1. Memo to Joe Torre: Stop pitching to David Ortiz. Especially since Manny is on my fantasy team, resulting in him being asleep at the wheel all season. I can't say it any clearer. STOP. PITCHING. TO. DAVID. ORTIZ.

1a. Also - stop having Tanyon fucking Sturtze come into tight ballgames. In fact, stop having Tanyon Sturtze do anything.

1b. I'd love to have some sort of snappy thing to say about Johnny Damon getting booed, but I don't. From a Yankee fan's perspective, I was actually hoping he'd get at least SOME cheers. Alas, he didn't. The fans holding up "Judas Damon" posters and "Johnny, We Hardly Knew Ye" posters are fucking idiots, and if they ever decide to go look for a new job that pays them better, and their old job declines to match the new job's offer so they take the new job instead, I will go to their cubicle/gas station/hot dog stand and boo them in turn.

Again, that's just my gut reaction. I claim no insight into the mind of the Red Sox fan. I will say this, though. Hypothetically speaking, if Derek Jeter or Mariano Rivera signed with the Red Sox after their contracts ran out, I'd absolutely cheer them at their Yankee Stadium debut. I'd be shocked and horrified and appalled, of course, but I'd still give them standing Os, no questions asked. Also, if Tanyon Sturtze signed with the Red Sox, I would take off all my clothes and dance naked in the street.

2. Forgot to mention this - after a great deal of searching this weekend, I found my mom's copy of "A Handmaid's Tale", which I've begun to devour. A slightly different beast than "Blind Assassin" - actually, it's sorta interesting to think that the wierd sci-fi bits in BA are closer to her heart than the rest of it.

3. Kath leaves for Barcelona in 7 days. Me and the puppies are going to be so sad.
full life

(no subject)

Probably old, but still good.

How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?

1. One to call Fox News so they can broadcast a story denying that the light bulb needed to be changed in the first place

2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed

3. One to blame Bill and Hillary for burning out the light bulb

4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have caused the light bulb to burn out and to find the stockpile of light bulbs

5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb

6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished

7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark

8. One to viciously smear 7

9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along

10. One to arrange a Press Conference where Bush will tell everyone that he is the "Decider" and he decided all alone that the light bulb needed changing

Of course, the light bulb never got changed.
bat country

(no subject)

File under "Maybe Hollywood isn't out of ideas after all", courtesy of AICN:

Jack Black is set to star in Michel Gondry's eccentric comedy "Be Kind Rewind," playing a junkyard worker whose brain is magnetized, destroying every tape in his friend's video store and forcing the pair to remake the lost films. Focus Features International has nabbed international sales rights to the under-$20 million Partizan production, which begins a two-month shoot Sept. 6 in New York. In the film, Black plays Jerry, a man whose headaches lead him to believe his brain is melting. His brain is magnetized, leading to the unintentional destruction of movies in his friend's store. In order to keep the store's one loyal customer, an elderly lady with signs of dementia, the pair re-creates a long line of films including "The Lion King," "Rush Hour," "Back to the Future" and "Robocop." Producer Georges Bermann of Partizan said Gondry, who has partnered with Partizan since 1989, came to him in November with several ideas. "Michel is a super-fast writer," Bermann said. "He handed in a draft three weeks. Focus was interested the second they heard the pitch and made the deal within a week."