Señor Grumblecakes (jervo) wrote,
Señor Grumblecakes
jervo

  • Music:

...zzz...

Ah, yes, another glorious Tuesday morning at work. Christ. So tired. I beat my alarm clock within an inch of its life this morning. Sometimes the "snooze" button just makes it worse...

Had a good convo w/ Mr. Dixon last night - at least now I know what's going on with him, and what's more, we're going through some similar things at the moment. He has his own journal to talk about this stuff, so I'll let him at it - I want to talk about, well, the last few years of my life...

I'm a musician. I quit my last job so that I could focus my energy on music. I took up the temping lifestyle so that I could be flexible with my hours; if I had an idea for a song, I'd take a day off and record it - hell, I'd take a day off just because I didn't feel like going to work, and not have to feel bad about it. Over the holidays I spent over $1500 (thanks, grandma) on upgrading my home "studio" (see 3/16, 11:43am entry) so that now, if a song idea pops into my head, all I have to do is press four (4) buttons and I have drums, bass, guitar, keyboards, and vocals ready to go. I played my first ever solo acoustic show last fall, and another one a month later.

I'm a musician, but you'd never know it. I don't practice that much anymore. Hell, I was dating my ex-girlfriend for 8 months and she never saw me perform because I didn't play a single gig, solo or non-. I'd estimate that since I moved to NYC, in the fall of 1993, I've written (by which I mean completely written, with non-sucky lyrics and fleshed-out arrangements) maybe 20 songs. 20 songs over the course of 7 and a half years is pretty crappy, folks, and of those 20 songs, I'm really only fond of about 9 or 10 of them.

I'm a musician who really wants to be a rock star - and by that I mean I'd ultimately like to achieve a level of success where writing and performing my own personal music gets me paid enough to not have to do anything else. Yeah, I'd like a really kick-ass studio, too. If I could get to a Pavement-type level (circa "Crooked Rain"), I'd be really pleased.

It's not gonna happen if it takes me 8 years to write 9 songs.

Which begs the question: why so little output? What's preventing me from writing?

I'll get to that later. Need coffee.
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