Señor Grumblecakes (jervo) wrote,
Señor Grumblecakes

Did I mention that I received a letter the other day from my very first girlfriend? Whom I started dating when I was 13 and broke up with 2 years later, which was 10 years ago? Who I lost my virginity to, as well as my sense of trust? Who totally fucked me up, relationship-wise, for many many years? Well, I did, and frankly I don't think it's possible to be more ambivilent about something than I am about it. I suppose I'd be worried if I still harbored a grudge; I'd be surprised if I actually wanted to get back in touch with her. But to be honest, I had totally forgotten about it until yesterday, when I reached into my bag to get something and saw that it was still in there. Progress? I suppose. I still don't know if I'm gonna write back or not; it's not like I want to be friends with her. And there's really no sense in maintaining friendships based on nostalgia, especially since I have nothing in common with who I was back then. I could probably walk right past her on the street and she wouldn't recognize me.

There's no sense in it. I have no interest in revisiting my freshman year of high school. People change, grow, move on. And you gotta understand, I grew to hate this girl. She was psycho; she lived in some alternate reality wherein I could catch her cheating on me, and yet it would somehow end up being my fault, as if I drove her to cheat. Shit like that. I'm in a very happy, stable relationship now, for the first time, with a wonderful woman whom I trust and love very much; it took me a long time to get over my fears and paranoia to get to that point, and a lot of those fears can be directly attributed to my relationship w/ this girl.

Speaking of which, it's kayhoe's birthday today. Happy birthday, baby!

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