I'm awesome because I saved myself $3000.
I saved myself $3000 because I decided NOT to buy a new keyboard, and instead figure out what was wrong with my current one, a $199 MIDI controller. Which was easy, because I already knew what the problem was - the USB connection in the back was fucked up, and since the keyboard was getting its power via the USB cable, it was constantly shorting out and being a pain in the ass. I found an extra 12-volt adapter I had lying around from one of the many guitar toys I'm not using, and that did the trick; now my keyboard works better than it did before, and I can get back to making music again.
I still want a keyboard; I've got my eye on this one particular Nord, and if I do ever decide to get out there again and offer my skills as a multi-instrumentalist, it would behoove me to have the necessary tools. But for now, I can get by with what I already have. Which is good. Which is why I'm awesome.