Señor Grumblecakes (jervo) wrote,
Señor Grumblecakes

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stop me if you've heard this one before

Goddammit, I'm so sick of this incessant anxiety I have. I have a gig tomorrow - I want to be anxious about that, not about this. I was hoping to spend my downtime at work today working on lyrics for 2 new songs that I'm gonna debut tomorrow night; I'm too distracted now. I mean, I've re-typed this paragraph about 10 times already, and it's not like I'm even trying to make something up.

Anyway. jdixon brought home the Star Wars Episode I DVD last night, so we watched the documentary and some of the deleted scenes. There's a lot of cool stuff on the DVD, but the movie is still crap, in my opinion.

Then, in a change of pace, I decided not to run over my old songs, but instead to try out some of the brand-new ones, to see if they're useable for tomorrow night. There's about 4 of them that I'm curious about; it might be too soon to perform them, but then again, I've gotta get out of this phobia of experimenting on stage. Well, not necessarily of experimenting - it's more of a phobia of being underprepared. I love to improvise on stage, but I also like being able to trust that everyone I'm performing with is on the same page, which hasn't happened nearly enough. In this case, I'm not performing with anybody except my sampler, which is great at keeping a steady groove but (obviously) a bit one-dimensional when it comes to extended improvisations. And as much as I love to just wank on the guitar, I know that it can drive an audience mad.

Ultimately, I want to treat tomorrow's gig in a very low-key way; it's a 7pm show, right after work; it's basically an extended happy hour, except slightly more expensive. I'm not expecting a huge turnout, and the people who do end up coming are most likely friends of mine, so I don't know why I'm putting the weight of the world on my shoulders about it.

This is precisely why I want to start getting a weekly time slot, so I can remember to treat a gig as something fun to look forward to, as opposed to some monumental task. I've played hundreds of gigs already, and I've already played these songs with this setup; I've given this same speech to myself in this very journal several times already. Gotta calm down a bit. And stop worrying about this a-----x bullshit.

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