From: Osama
Subject: The Cave
Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours but we've really come
together as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the
poster that says "There is no "I" in Al Qaeda" as well as the one that
says "Hang In There!" That goddamn cat is hilarious! However, while we are
fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave. And frankly I
have a few concerns.
First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we
should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you
don't want to be stung and neither do I so we need to sweep the cave
daily. I've posted a sign up sheet near the main cave opening.
Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to
scare the most powerful damn country on earth, okay? That means that while
we're taping, do not ride your razor scooter in the background. Just while
we're taping. Thanks.
Third: food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote "Osama"
on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were half
gone. A little freakin' consideration. That's all I'm saying.
Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying
to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First
patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar, and Randy.
Love you guys,
Osama
